WHILE YOU WERE WAITING

Nobody likes to wait. Especially in today's culture – where we've been trained to think that what we want, we can get right away – waiting is harder than ever. I hate to admit some of the things I’ve thought about people who’ve made me wait. The guy in the drive-thru line who’s paying with all nickels and dimes. The lady at the grocery check-out who’s convinced she's got one more coupon somewhere in the bottom of her purse. The car in front of me at the ATM who’s working through his third consecutive transaction. It’s not hard to feel frustrated, agitated, or impatient…even ready to bolt, to find someplace else to do my business. 

Unfortunately, for most of the players on a team – any team, from the pros, through college and high school, and even down to the youth level – waiting is a part of the experience. Almost everyone’s waiting for something they want. Waiting to get more playing time. Waiting to become a starter. Waiting to showcase their skill. Waiting to be the go-to guy. It’s likely that this waiting isn’t the player’s choice; that's the tough part. If you’re the parent of an athlete who's forced to wait, you’re probably living the struggle alongside your child. As the season goes on, you might be feeling more and more frustrated, agitated, or impatient…maybe, at some point, even ready to bolt, to find someplace else for your kid to do their business. 

Waiting isn’t easy because it’s not what either you or your child has chosen. Maybe it’s not what you think they deserve. Plus, because this challenge exists outside your control, you may feel powerless to change it.  

Today, I want to encourage you to take back your power – to focus on controlling the controllables. This is a fundamental quality of the champion athlete, and I’d argue a fundamental quality of the champion sports parent, too. Waiting to get what we want is a challenge that exists throughout life, for all of us – from the young athlete all the way through adulthood.  

When we're forced to wait, dwelling on what’s outside our control is the easy thing to do. Every parent wants success for their child. It’s not hard to feel a sense of unfairness if they have to wait to get what they want – and that sense may even be justified. The problem is, dwelling on what’s outside our control can lead us swiftly into a victim mentality, sometimes without us even knowing. This mindset robs us of our power and our purpose. In the process, it also takes our focus off what’s most important – those things we can control. I’d argue that the best of the best in any area, from a superstar athlete to that athlete’s superstar parent, have developed this understanding of the truth.  

So then, the most important question isn’t, “Will your child have to wait?” (The answer? Probably, yes.) And it’s not, “How long will they have to wait?” (The answer? Probably longer than you want.) The most important question simply is this: What will your child do while they wait?

The most important question isn’t, “Will your child have to wait?”  And it’s not, “How long will they have to wait?”  The most important question simply is this:

What will your child do while they wait?

Your child can do what many athletes do while they wait – he or she can become a victim. They can feel sorry for themselves and work hard to justify the unfairness of their situation. They can find someone to blame – their coach, their teammates, someone. They can hope those playing ahead of them fail, or that the team fails without them, so they can justify the injustice they’re facing. They can pout, or sulk, or quit because they believe they’re entitled to something better.

Or, of course, they can respond to this challenge another way – the champion’s way. How does a champion respond when they have to wait? They focus on the controllables. For all those things they can't control, they know there are actually a number of important things they can control, and they’re focused on identifying those and getting to work. Paramount among them: just keep getting better. A champion understands that at some point, their opportunity will come. Some people take what seems to be the quick, short, easy road to success. But for most, they’ll have to embrace the journey. It will be a longer, and slower, and sometimes more painful road to get where they want, but they can get there. If. If and only if they are willing to embrace the process, persevere through the challenges, and just keep getting better while they wait. Plenty of others will bail – they’ll  get frustrated, agitated, impatient – and end up looking for someplace else to do their business. I hope you'll help your child stay the course.

Whatever it is your child decides to do while they wait, it’s likely they’ll take their cue from you. As always, what you choose to emphasize is what your child will learn to value. If your focus is on justifying the unfairness of their situation, finding someone to blame, or rooting against those who have what they’re waiting to get, then you’ll demonstrate for your child what it looks like to play the role of the victim – and you’ll encourage them to become a victim, too. Don’t underestimate the power of your example. 

The alternative, of course, is to help your child focus on controlling the controllables. Encourage them to just keep getting better – to develop their skills, so that when their opportunity comes, they’ll be as ready as they can be. Help them build the toughness it takes to overcome this adversity; that will benefit them greatly moving forward. Maintain a high expectation for their effort – not getting what you want right now is no excuse for not giving your best. And demand that they support those who do have what they’re waiting for. They can do all these things today, in spite of the wait. And if they do keep their focus on the controllables, they’ll prove that they can be trusted with the role that they’ve got, which will probably help them move into a bigger and better role soon. I think you’ll find that by focusing on the controllables, you’ll both end up appreciating who they become, regardless of what they get…or how long it takes for them to get it.