WHICH PAIN WILL YOU CHOOSE?
The motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said, “We must all suffer from one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” That’s a popular quote among coaches and athletes, one they commonly use to motivate themselves or others to put in the work that greatness requires. The words resonate because they are true – for each of us in whatever areas of life we’re hoping to win. Pain is an inevitable part of success. But how, where, and why we experience it is in many ways up to us.
Jim Rohn probably wasn’t thinking specifically of you, the sports parent, when he said those words, but he could’ve been. Success in this important area of life requires the same level of discipline required of winning coaches or athletes. Every sports parent, including you, has to answer this important question: which pain will you choose? Will you do the hard, inconvenient work now – will you embrace the pain of discipline? – or will you miss out on your chance and look back with disappointment later?
There are some common regrets sports parents face, regrets you may end up facing if you aren't careful. Many, for example, regret that they didn’t enjoy their time as a sports parent like they should have. They didn’t realize how awesome it was until it was gone. You probably don't need told how easy it is for the joy to get sucked out of this experience. Emotions always have a tendency to run high in a competitive environment, especially when someone you love as much as your child is involved. When you add to that all the variables that exist outside your control – your kid’s performance, his teammates, the coach, opponent, or referees – it’s not hard for your anxiety, your frustration, or your disappointment to take over. As a sports parent, there’s almost always something threatening your joy.
But watching your child compete should not be miserable. In fact, it should be one of the great joys of life as a parent. Of course anxiety, frustration, and disappointment will come, but the champion sports parent has accepted that all of it – even the hard stuff – is part of the experience, and that everything that happens is an opportunity for their child to learn and grow. Seeing it that way gives the whole experience a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. And where meaning and purpose exist, joy typically follows. There's a bigger reason you’re here today than just a stat sheet or a scoreboard...at least there should be. Don’t let anxiety, frustration, or disappointment sabotage your experience. You’ll regret it if you do.
Don't look back and regret that you didn't enjoy this experience like you should have or that you didn't use it like you could have.
This leads us to another common regret for sports parents, that they didn’t use the experience like they could have. When you step back and consider it, there really is no better training ground for what it takes to live a successful life than your child’s experience in sports. This whole thing can be so valuable and so meaningful in helping your child become a winner – on the playing field, sure, but more importantly in their life beyond the game. Most sports parents don’t see that opportunity until their time to use it has passed.
Most parents are pretty good at the basics. They show up and cheer, like everyone does. They celebrate the wins and lament the losses. But without an intentional, daily commitment to using the game for a bigger, more important purpose, they miss out on the game's greatest offering. Stop and think about all the qualities that define a champion, in sports and in life, qualities your child needs to develop in order to become his or her best. Passion. Commitment. Toughness. Courage. Selflessness. Coachability. The list goes on and on.
The truth is, playing the game provides a daily opportunity to cultivate these winning characteristics. This work is so important, but it's not quick, easy, or convenient. That’s probably why most people don’t do it. Qualities like these can only be developed through a daily commitment to teaching and training your child, to supporting and encouraging them, to challenging them and holding them accountable to a higher standard. Yes, it's hard, inconvenient work, but it’s work you'll never regret.
The LENS book clarifies that "regardless of his age or ability, watching your child on an athletic field is a privilege existing on a deadline. Enjoy it and take advantage of it while you can. It won’t last forever, and you’ll miss it when it’s gone." Enjoy it and take advantage of it. How exactly do you do that? By embracing the pain of discipline. That means choosing to focus on what really matters, choosing to do what needs to be done, and choosing to do it to the best of your ability regardless of the circumstances. Doing this job with discipline today won’t be painless, Jim Rohn promises. But it will help you avoid a different, deeper kind of pain – the pain of regret tomorrow.