THE BEAUTY OF WINNING UGLY
There's usually a negative connotation that comes with the idea of "winning ugly." No one enjoys going out, doing their best, and - even in success - having their work labeled that way. Most of the time “winning ugly” implies that, for whatever reason, things for an athlete or team just didn't click. They struggled to score, didn't execute well, or had a hard time stopping their opponent. They survived...but barely. When the game gets ugly, it can be hard to watch. And even though we wouldn't choose winning ugly over making it all look good, I do want you to see - as it relates to raising champion athletes and people today - that winning ugly can actually be a beautiful thing.
That's because there's a level of resilience and fortitude required for an athlete to win ugly. Champion athletes haven’t prepared to play poorly today, but they have prepared to handle playing poorly today, if that’s what comes. They understand, probably because they've been taught and developed in this area, that challenge and adversity are a part of every success story, including their own. And just because today’s isn’t their day doesn’t mean they can’t still find a way to win.
Weak-minded athletes, on the other hand, are typically incapable of winning ugly. That’s because as soon as things get ugly, weak-minded athletes start to break down. They haven't included overcoming challenge or adversity as a part of their story, so they're usually unprepared to rise up, meet it, and overcome it when it does arrive. When things go bad, tough-minded athletes dig deep, muster up the toughness it takes to persevere in spite of the struggle, and succeed anyways. Weak-minded athletes are easily convinced that it's just not their day. If they're digging deep, it's probably so they can crawl into a hole, curl up and hide.
So how do we help our kids develop what it takes to win ugly? First, we and our kids both need to see clearly the role that challenge or adversity will play in their experience. If all your kids imagine is effortless success – if they haven't included the struggle as a part of their story – then they'll be less equipped to meet the challenges they'll inevitably face. Prepare them with the understanding that hardship will happen, and that just because some days success is hard to find doesn’t mean it can’t be found. In fact, with the right perspective, finding success on the hard days can be really fun, especially when you realize that not everyone’s capable of doing it.
Just because some days success is hard to find doesn’t mean it can’t be found. In fact, with the right perspective, finding success on the hard days can be really fun, especially when you realize that not everyone’s capable of doing it.
Secondly, as they experience those moments of adversity, rise up to meet those challenges and gradually develop that toughness, make sure you're recognizing their resilience and cultivating its growth. The ugly performances are great opportunities to evaluate your child's current level of toughness. Are they capable of fighting for and finding success even on the days when it isn’t pretty? They may not be at first. And even as they improve, it’ll probably be easy for them to focus primarily on what went wrong.
But it’s critical for you to be able to recognize, highlight, and develop in them the resilience that lives in the heart and mind of a champion. Remember, what you choose to emphasize is what your kids will learn to value. It’s human nature, even for us as adults, to dwell on what was ugly. And don’t get me wrong – why they couldn’t score, or why they didn’t execute well, or why they had a hard time stopping their opponent may be worth your attention. But poor performances happen for even the best players on earth. They’re a part of everyone’s story, remember? So instead of worrying too much about the outcome, make sure you’re seeing clearly the more important opportunity this struggle can present – to equip them a little more today for bigger successes tomorrow.
Finally, when it comes to developing the resilience and fortitude of a champion in the life of your kids, it’s worth stopping to consider the powerful example you set. You can talk all day about what it takes to win ugly, but what you model for your kids to see will speak louder than any of your words. So stop and evaluate yourself for a minute. Do you have what it takes to win ugly? I’m sure you haven’t prepared for things to go poorly today, but are you prepared to handle it if they do? At work, in your marriage, or as a parent, will you show your kids today what it looks like to dig deep, muster up the toughness it takes to persevere in spite of the struggle, and be a champion anyways? If so, it’s more likely those tough, resilient, strong-minded apples you’re raising won’t fall too far from the tree.
I hope the next time your child steps onto the playing field, they play the game of their life. I hope people walk out of the bleachers in awe of their performance. I hope it’s a work of art. But more importantly, I hope you’ll continue to prepare your kids and yourself for the reality of their experience, both in sports and in life: that most days it’s not awe-inspiring. More often than we’d like to admit, our performance won't be a work of art. For the champion, though, success is still out there, even on the days when it isn’t pretty. In fact, some days winning ugly can be a beautiful thing.