Resources for Parents of Athletes
Oftentimes in today’s society, if we have a burning question our first instinct is probably to “Google it.” We might be looking for a restaurant, directions, or the definition of a word. In these instances Google generally can provide an exact answer for us. When it comes to bigger queries though, like “How to be a supportive parent in sports” or “What is the role of the parents in sports” there isn’t exactly a clear-cut answer. And there shouldn’t be.
Every child, every parent, every circumstance, and every athletic experience is unique. So of course there is no blanket answer or exact guide for how we should parent child athletes. The good news, though, is that there are sports parent resources and sports psychology tips for parents that help provide the framework for us to make our decisions.
Whether we are sports parents of famous child athletes or of children just being introduced to sports, there are some fundamental mindsets and blueprints we can use to make sure the athletic experience is as gratifying and fulfilling as possible. After all, we don’t get many years or chances to be a parent of a child athlete, and truthfully there are few experiences in life that can be as meaningful, so it’s important to make it count. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some common areas of interest or concern for sports parents.
What are the Roles for Parents in Sports?
Whether we realize it or not, as parents, we will play some of the biggest roles in our young athletes' lives. Our actions and behaviors will influence and dictate their athletic experience in numerous ways. Before we can truly get into positive parent behavior in sports or negative parental involvement in sports, it is important to fully understand the roles we play as parents.
It’s important to note that oftentimes we might find ourselves playing more than one at a time. So just because you have your “fan” hat on, doesn’t mean you aren’t still a role model or shouldn’t act as your kid’s support system. Similarly if you are coaching, you still need to be aware that you fill multiple roles.
Role One…Role Model
It’s only human nature that our our kids will be watching and learning from our own habits and behaviors. That’s why the most important role you will play (not just in sports but in life) is as a role model. Our kids pick up on the way we act, they speak the way we speak, and ultimately they form the habits we have formed. So, if we want them to form winning habits, we need to model them. The reality is that champions aren't born, they're built. They are taught and trained and developed over time, and the most valuable and most authentic teaching tool we have at our disposal is our own powerful example. As parents, we can’t teach our kids to be champions without first embracing and modeling those same behaviors, mindsets, and habits ourselves.
Role Two…Support System
Our child's experience in sports serves a microcosm of life in general. There will be ups and downs, victories and defeats, celebrations and struggles. There are going to be rough patches, just like there are going to be moments of glory. One of our roles as parents is to help our kids navigate all of these instances. As our kid’s support system, it’s important for them to know we care about them and want what’s best for them.
Even more, we should be our child’s number one confidant. We should be involved and informed about what is going on in their life and in their athletic experience. They need to feel comfortable telling us when they're not feeling good or when something upsetting happened. They need to know we are proud of them and shouldn’t feel judged or embarrassed for sharing something they said, did, or felt. This requires a level of trust that can only be built over time through consistent, positive, purposeful interactions.
In this role, our job is not to coddle our kids, but to ensure that they have a solid foundation of support to achieve their full potential. How to support your child athlete is ultimately up to you. There are different ways. There will be teachable moments, or opportunities to build mental toughness, resilience, and tenacity. It is our job to decide when the moment calls for it and when it doesn’t.
Role Three…Fan
Like we said, there is some major overlap between some of these roles, and fan and support system might be the closest. As a fan of your child, we can’t overstate the importance of just showing up to games and practices and being encouraging. Don’t worry about how to make your child a sports star, focus on how to encourage them and make them feel empowered. By building their confidence you also build their love for the game and their internal drive to keep playing and keep improving.
Role Four…Coach
Whether you are coaching the Sunday morning soccer league or just tossing the ball around in the backyard, as a parent you will likely engage in coaching your child in some form over the course of their athletic career. Here’s the thing about coaching youth athletes: it’s about more than just winning. Yes, results are important, and no one enjoys losing. But some of the most important lessons are only available when our kids don't get the results they are after. As their coach, it's imperative that we have the perspective and the awareness to separate the outcome from the experience. That maximizes our influence in their lives, on the playing field and beyond.
The way you run practices, coach during games, interact with the kids… all of these things help them build character traits and habits they can use for the rest of their lives. Teaching them about commitment, getting them to work together, introducing a balance between hard work and fun…these are the building blocks of things like perseverance, attention to detail, work ethic, cooperation, respect, and more.
Role Five…Inspiration
One other role that we’d be remiss not to mention is the role of inspiration. It is not often that our kids (at least until they become teenagers) are introduced to activities or interests without a little helping hand from their parents. Sports are no different. As parents, we are the ones who introduce our kids to sports and help nurture that relationship. Whether we introduce sports through playing with them, watching movies or live sporting events together, or just talking about it, if we care about it, our kids will likely pick up an interest, too.
What Makes a Good Sports Parent?
In short, a good sports parent does what’s best for their kid. That might seem like a bit of a cop out, but the truth is, good sports parents can take many different forms. At Champions 101, we believe there are definitely some common denominators, though, when it comes to being a good sports parent.
First and foremost, we believe in these three ideas:
Make and keep it fun: If your kid isn’t enjoying themselves, they are more likely to miss out on the enriching experience youth sports have to offer. By keeping it fun, you increase the likelihood of them falling in love with the sport, continuing to play and enjoy it, and ultimately continuing to develop the habits and relationships a positive athletic experience can create.
Maintain your perspective: You know things your kid doesn’t. You have a perspective that they can’t fully understand or appreciate yet. It’s okay to use that knowledge and insight in parenting your child athlete. Help them to see the bigger picture. Don’t make them sweat the small stuff. One bad play or loss doesn’t define them or their career. Neither does one victory.
Act with intention and purpose: Like we already said, it’s impossible to know every answer. You haven’t experienced every situation. You can’t predict the future. You won’t always know what to do. Regardless of all of that, however, you can always act intentionally and purposefully. You can make the best choices based on what you know at the time. You can reach out for help. You can take an educated guess. As long as you are acting with your child's best interests at heart, you’re on the right track. You can work together to develop strategies or check in to see how things are going. Find what works for your family, stick with it, and adjust it as you see fit.
Involvement Versus Interference
As with anything in life, the key to parenting youth athletes is finding the right balance of involvement. One common area of concern is crossing the line of involvement to the point of parent interference in sport. We all know horror stories of over involved parents in sports (like the ones getting in fights on the sidelines or coaching their kids from the stands), but we might not understand how they became that way, or why. Let’s look at some common topics where involvement can cross the line.
Parent Involvement in High School Sports
As our youth athletes grow and mature, our roles as parents evolve. Slowly, our kids become more responsible for their own experiences. They start to know their own schedules. They begin to be their own advocate. They start to drive themselves to games. As parents, these transitions can be harder to navigate for us than for them, as we struggle to understand what our role should be as they get older. In many cases, our role becomes more focused on being a fan and support system than anything else.
Should Parents Talk to High School Coaches?
Absolutely, you should talk to and work to build a relationship with your child's coach...as long as you can do it in a healthy and productive way. It makes sense for you to build a relationship if you see that you are partnering together to help your child reach their full potential. While coaches are likely used to dealing with competitive sports parents, it is not appropriate for you to bring up things like playing time, coaching strategies, roster decisions, or anything like that.
There are a few reasons why, like the fact that the coach is probably more qualified on these topics or because they are committing huge amounts of time and energy to coaching for little to nothing in return. But the main reason you shouldn’t talk to the high school coach about coaching is because it’s not your place. If anyone is going to talk to the coach about these concerns, it should be the player.
The truth is, if your child isn’t seeing the playing time they want or has some other issue with the coach, they have to be their own advocate. Engaging in a mature and respectful conversation with the coach is a great example of the kind of behavior and conversations they will need to be successful in for the future. You can also teach or guide your child when it comes to being their own advocate. Plus, when it comes down to it, no one will know what your athlete is doing well, poorly, or anywhere in between better than them and the coach. So, before you or your child start to point fingers at the coaching staff, it might be better to ask your kid to honestly evaluate their own performance and even possibly set up a meeting to gain more clarity on the situation from their coach.
Of course there are exceptions to getting involved. Certainly it's possible for a coach to create an abusive or traumatizing situation for their athletes. Unfortunately, though, some parents distort or misdefine words like "abusive" or "traumatizing" to fit their distorted narrative or unhealthy perspective on the coach. You should absolutely get involved if you feel your child's coach has created an unhealthy or dangerous environment. Just make sure you're seeing things clearly and fairly from every angle before you jump in.
Dealing with Youth Sports Politics
One unfortunate reality is that with all the money and resources being pumped into youth sports, there is a certain level of politics that comes with it. Nepotism, racism, classism, important members of the community, big sponsors, cliques…all of these can create some unfair advantages and disadvantages within youth sports. These are important issues that need to be addressed when your child is old enough and mature enough to understand the nuances of such manipulative behavior.
Champions 101…Create Winning Habits
My name is Travis Daugherty, and I am the founder of Champions 101. After years of coaching, teaching, and parenting, I realized there were a lot of parents, coaches and athletes looking to be the best they could be in their role. But finding resources to make that happen weren't easy to find. That's why I created Champions 101.
I went ahead and gathered resources I could find to help fill that need. In addition, though, I created an online curriculum of foundational habits, mindsets, and perspectives that can help any coach, player, or parent unlock their full potential. Now, with just a few clicks and a couple of hours, you can start thinking and acting like a champion. After all, champions aren’t born, they're made.