KOBE’S TIME WAS UP

Like many of you, I was shocked and saddened to hear the news this week of Kobe Bryant’s tragic death. I was also a little surprised in its aftermath, to be honest, that the news has been so hard for me to shake. I've never been particularly burdened before by the death of some celebrity I'd never met, but news of Kobe's death has been heavy on my heart and mind all week. It's been interesting to consider why.

Maybe it’s that Kobe and I were almost exactly the same age, within a couple months actually, and that his mortality has me thinking some more this week of my own. Maybe it’s the way he played, with a sense of invincibility that made him feel like one of those guys who could take on anything – maybe even a helicopter tumbling from the sky – and find a way to come out winning. Or maybe it’s the common bond he and I share – a bond so many of us here share – as spouses and parents, and the painful reality, not only of those last few minutes he spent with his 13 year-old daughter Gianna, who also perished in the crash, but also for the heartbreak of the wife and daughters he leaves behind.

Kobe's basketball greatness has been celebrated this week, and deservedly so. But I want to focus less today on honoring who he was as a player and focus more on honoring who he became afterwards. He was very committed, you probably know, to giving his best and pursuing excellence every time he put on that uniform. But after retirement he was just as committed, by all accounts, to his role as a sports parent. Was he perfect, as a player, a person, or a parent? Of course not. But I believe there's something Kobe Bryant, the sports dad, can teach each one of us here, working just like he was to raise champion athletes and people of our own.

In order to fully appreciate the beauty of Kobe Bryant the sports dad, you have to know a few things about Kobe Bryant the athlete. He was known for his relentless and almost maniacal commitment to being the best. He was ruthlessly competitive, and willing to do whatever it took to win. He routinely degraded and even embarrassed his teammates in an attempt to draw the best out of them. In fact, he famously damaged some important relationships during his career because he was, at times, almost impossible to be around. He was driven by a singular, often selfish desire to succeed and determined to be the star of the show. You didn’t have to watch or be around him very long to see that.

Kobe’s commitment as a sports dad was just as relentless and unwavering, but his method for developing his young athletes – especially his girl Gianna – was totally different. Like almost 180 degrees different. That's what made it so impressive. Of all the things I respect about Kobe, I put this willingness to change, for the sake of his kids' development, at the top of the list. This ruthless competitor, known for his scorched-earth style, stepped back. He was smart enough to realize something many of us as sports parents have a hard time realizing: that his time was up. That his playing days were over. This it wasn’t about him anymore. That he had a new role to play – as teacher and supporter and encourager – and that winning in this role required something different than what he’d used to win before.

Kobe realized he had a new role to play – as teacher and supporter and encourager – and that winning in this role required something different than what he’d used to win before.

According to witnesses, Kobe coached his girl’s team with love and patience. He never degraded or embarrassed his daughter in an attempt to draw the best out of her. He didn’t damage that important relationship by making himself impossible to be around, and he wasn’t driven, as so many parents are, by some selfish desire to see his daughter succeed. It was obvious this was her show. You didn’t have to watch or be around him very long to see that.

Back in 2018, Kobe shared his advice on sports parenting at the Aspen Institute’s "Project Play Summit." With it he provided some insight into what drove him as a parent. “Sometimes the most important thing you can do is just observe," he said. "You just watch and then you guide. Get out of the way, observe, listen, and guide.” Man, what humble, selfless advice for raising champions, in sports and in life. Could you imagine Kobe the player – loud, brash, and cocky – ever chasing excellence in any area of life so unpretentiously? No way.

He was never the type to step back and get out of the way. That’s what made him so great as a player, and it’s what makes me respect so much about who he became as a parent. It’s proof of a real commitment, that he recognized helping his daughter become her best meant changing the attitude and mindset that made him his best. Kobe realized right away what so many parents never do – that his time was up. That his playing days were over, and that it wasn’t about him anymore. We’d all be learning from a legend, and helping our kids become their very best along the way, if we realized it, too.