HELP YOUR CHILD REACH THEIR CEILING

What does it take to be a great sports parent? There are plenty of characteristics you could list, but I believe at the very top belongs a clear sense of perspective. As a sports parent, you constantly have to be working to gain - and to maintain - your sense of perspective. It's critical to your success.

I wrote a book called The LENS that’s all about finding clarity and perspective in this sports parenting experience. I believe our kids’ sports experience can be so valuable, if we use it the right way. When we choose to step back, to see the big picture, and to clarify for ourselves and for our kids what we want this experience to provide, we put ourselves in the best position to take advantage of all it has to offer. But without that clarity and perspective, this experience can quickly turn sour, both for us and for our kids.

In The LENS, I use a simple analogy to illustrate the power of our perspective. Picture a big city skyline filled with buildings of every shape and size. Some are tall and strong, towering above the rest. Many are average and don’t really stand out, and some are so small or short that they’re barely noticeable at all. That image is a great representation of our kids as athletes. Each one is unique. The skyscraper kids are the ones with the most natural ability or potential - those with the the “highest ceiling.” Like any skyscraper, they get the most notoriety, the most fanfare, and the most attention. Most kids fit in that middle group, maybe standing out slightly, but not particularly unique or impressive. And some kids are barely noticeable at all, and seem to be looking up at everyone around them. If your young athlete was a building there on the skyline, which kind would they be?

The size of these buildings, representing our kids natural, God-given ability, isn’t chosen or earned. It’s given. Some athletes have been blessed with a unique level of potential - size or athleticism or natural talent - and some athletes haven’t. What I want you to see clearly today is that the size of your child’s building isn’t what’s most important. What’s most important is helping your child meet their potential, helping them “reach their ceiling” and become their best, no matter where that ceiling may be. That’s the most important work you’ve been called to as a sports parent. Here are a few ways the proper perspective helps you do that work effectively...

1) The proper perspective helps you see the truth. One of the biggest issues for sports parents is their distorted view of reality. Many have an unrealistic sense of their kid’s ability. This is, at its root, a perspective problem. When you zoom in too far on your own child, it’s easy to lose a sense for how they compare with other kids. Have you ever stood right at the base of a tall building and looked straight up at it from there? From that perspective, it’s almost impossible to determine its height. Is it 30 stories tall? 50? 70? It’s tough to tell. It’s also hard to determine how that building compares to the others around it.

By stepping back and zooming out, you get a clearer picture of the truth. First, it’s easier to clarify your own kid’s ability level. You can see them for what they are - a 30 or 50 or 70 story building - and support them effectively based on that reality. The right perspective also gives you a better sense of where and how they fit with others. For many parents it provides a healthier and more humble approach to this important parenting work.

2) The proper perspective helps give you some context. Stepping back and zooming out not only helps you recognize the reality of who your child is, it also helps give you some context on the level at which they’re competing. Because sports have become such big business, there are endless options for where kids can play. It’s easier than ever to find a team where your kid is one of the best players, or one of the worst players, or anywhere in-between. This model gives everyone a chance to compete, but if you aren't careful it can distort your perspective.

Think of it like this. A 20-story building in a small town towers over every other building there, but in a big city, it’s probably nothing special. Drop it in the heart of Manhattan, and it’s barely noticeable at all. There’s an important lesson in that illustration that each one of us as sports parents are responsible for keeping in mind, regardless of where our kids play.

3) The proper perspective helps you turn potential into reality. When you choose to step back, zoom out, and focus on the big picture, it’s easier to see that while your child's natural, God-given ability matters, it’s actually not what matters most. What matters most is the space in that building that you’ve helped them occupy. Occupying space represents not just having potential, but realizing it. It means taking what your child’s been given and putting it to use. It means teaching and training your child, and helping those lightbulbs of understanding turn on for them.

When you see a city skyline during the day, it’s easy to identify those buildings that stand out above the rest. But when night falls, the lights in each building come on to represent their occupancy. Looking at a city skyline at night reveals not the space a building has, but the space it’s put to use - how many lightbulbs have come on and how close it is to actually reaching its ceiling. A 100-story skyscraper only half occupied looks just the same as a 50-story building with all its floors lit.

Here’s the point: if competition happened during the day time, the skyscrapers would always win. But competition happens at night. There are plenty of athletes with a ton of natural ability who, for whatever reason, never reach their potential. And there are plenty of athletes with less God-given talent who maximize what they’ve been given and beat those who at first glance seem superior. The right perspective allows you to see that potential on its own isn’t enough, and that left unfulfilled can actually be just as big a curse as it is a blessing. That’s why you’re here, and why teaching, training, and equipping your young athlete - helping them become their very best, every day - is your most important work.