DON’T SKIP THE STRUGGLE
In a world where we’ve come to expect what we want to come quickly, easily, and conveniently, the idea of struggling for anything may seem unnecessary. It probably seems even more unnecessary – or even flat-out silly – to your young athlete. But believe it or not, if you’re serious about raising and developing a champion, you're responsible for recognizing the role struggle will play in their experience. It's not fun or glamorous, but it is important. That's why I hope you won't skip the struggle that's inevitably coming for you and your child. If you do, you'll both miss out on all it has to offer.
It's important to clarify that struggle is not the same as failure. Failure is falling short of success – it’s a negative result or outcome. There is finality to failure. The story’s over, and it ended poorly. There are of course some important lessons for our kids to learn through failure, mostly about how to get back up after we fall and how we can use the experience to write our next story better.
Struggle, though also challenging, is different. It’s defined as "striving to find success through difficulty or resistance." This story’s not going well either, but here the story’s not over. When we're struggling, we’re doing what we can to press on, to hang tough, and to see our work through to the end. The lessons that exist for us and for our kids in the midst of a struggle are different, but no less important. Here it isn't about getting back up after we fall; it’s about refusing to fall. Refusing to quit. Refusing to lay down and accept that the story’s over. Struggling builds the perseverance required for us – and for our kids – to finish the race we've set out to run. It's part of the process of becoming our best.
Struggling builds the perseverance required for us – and for our kids – to finish the race we've set out to run. It's part of the process of becoming our best.
Despite its value and importance, it’s human nature for anyone – our kids especially – to want to skip the struggle, to marginalize or diminish this process, and to just impatiently jump to the fun, glamorous part already. It can be hard to muster the toughness it takes to press on, and even tougher to help our kids do the same. But I hope you can see clearly today that when you embrace the struggle instead of working to avoid it, you set an important example for your child. How you respond when things get tough will be so important in helping determine how they learn to respond, too.
When you embrace the struggle, it's easier to recognize the opportunity you’ve been presented to grow and improve. Through this process, you strengthen your willingness and ability to learn. When you recognize the value that can come from this challenging experience and what's possible if you hang in there, you can struggle well and stay positive in the face of difficulty.
When you try to skip the struggle, however, you miss out on this chance for improvement, and more likely close yourself off to what the experience can teach you. It's easier to turn angry or negative or to feel like you’re stuck in the middle of an unfair situation. Struggling poorly like this creates a victim mindset, and usually leads you and your child into a cycle of blaming, complaining, and other unhealthy and unproductive responses.
Your child’s experience in sports is a great opportunity for him or her to experience the growth that comes with learning to struggle well. If they’re an athlete for long, they’ll probably find these opportunities regularly – sometimes of their own doing, sometimes at the hands of others. Either way, they’ll need your support, your encouragement, and your help in uncovering the meaning and purpose behind the challenge they’re facing.
Help them clarify what this difficulty means in the context of their story. Is this a failure? Is the story over? If so, there are some important lessons to learn about getting back up now that they’ve fallen, and using the experience to write a better story next time. More likely, though, they need you to clarify for them that their story isn't over. In the big picture, this is part of the process that becoming their best requires, so they’ve got to press on, hang tough, and see it through. In a moment like this, help them see that it’s not about getting back up after you fall; it’s about refusing to fall. So don’t quit. Don’t lay down and accept that the story’s over. Don’t skip the struggle, and miss out on all it has to offer.