DON’T FORGET THE YET

We're living in a culture today that promotes an increasingly myopic, or short-sighted, perspective. Too often, we have a tendency to focus only on what's right in front of us. We’ve been trained to value what's quick and easy and convenient, and because we’re used to getting what we want right away, it’s easier to diminish anything that makes us wait. If something's not great right away, it’s easier to toss it aside than to wait to see how it develops. It's easier than ever to lose sight of the big picture.

That mindset has permeated our youth sports culture, too, and it’s made raising a champion in sports and in life more challenging than ever. We dangerously rank and compare and judge our kids' ability based only on what we see today. Either they have it or they don't, we're conditioned to think. That's just one of many ways this unhealthy perspective is compromising what's really important in youth sports - our kids' development - for something more temporary and more fleeting.

Young players get cut from a team and are discouraged too early from playing the game - long before they're given a chance to reach their potential. Many coaches or parents myopically pigeon-hole players into positions based on their size in the present instead of developing a more complete player built for the future. Those same coaches and parents make decisions that promote winning at any cost today, but in doing so end up mortgaging bigger, more important successes tomorrow. If all we can see is what’s right in front of us, and without the big picture in mind, it’s easy to make decisions that complicate – not clarify – our children's ability to become their best.

The reality is that for any athlete, becoming their best takes time. No matter where or when they start or how much natural ability they have, it’s a long process. It’s always been that way, and it will always be that way. As our world places more and more value on the things that are quick, easy, and convenient, it makes trusting, embracing, and enjoying the process of becoming a champion – and of raising one – harder than ever. But if you’re serious about making it happen, you’ve got to accept that it’s the only route you and your child can take.

If that's you - if you want to commit to that process, then here’s your challenge and encouragement for today: don’t forget the "yet." This is an idea promoted in the powerful book Mindset, by Dr. Carol Dweck. It's a simple reminder that may never be more true than it is in today's myopic world, and may never be more relevant than it is for you, the sports parent.

Unfortunately, too many of us focus on judging our kids instead of focusing on developing them, especially when they're not very good at something. Instead of hunting for ways to help them improve for tomorrow (what Dweck calls a growth mindset), we create for ourselves and promote in our kids some negative, unhealthy, counter-productive judgment about who they are and what they're capable of (what Dweck calls a fixed mindset).

Unfortunately too many of us focus on judging our kids instead of focusing on developing them.

Here's an example...let’s say your kid wants to be a pitcher but is struggling with his mechanics or control. As his parent, what's the difference between these two assessments of his ability?

He's not a good pitcher.

He's not a good pitcher yet.

There’s only one word's worth of difference in those two statements, but that one word makes all the difference. “He’s not a good pitcher” means it’s over, it’s finished. There’s no use trying to do better. It’s a waste of time – he’ll never get it. And it’s possible of course, that your child might not have what it takes to be a pitcher. A growth mindset doesn’t mean that anyone can become anything. But if you forget the "yet," it’s likely you’ll make the judgment, accept it as final, and bail on the process without ever really giving it a shot. Maybe he could become a good pitcher. But choosing this path guarantees you’ll never know.

On the other hand, “He’s not a good pitcher yet” changes your perspective and probably what you decide to do with it. That one, simple word provides proof that you’re thinking like a champion, and if your child can say the same, then he’s thinking like a champion, too. It’s proof that he’s not where he could be, and he’s not where he needs to be, but he’s also not where he’s gonna be. It’s proof that you understand the reality of helping your child reach their full potential – that it’s a never-ending process of trying, struggling, persevering, learning, growing, and improving.

Whatever sport your child plays or whatever physical skills they need to develop in order to become their best, I hope you won't forget the "yet." But more importantly, if you want your child to become a champion, you must embrace this process of development for their mental growth, as well. The best of the best possess more than just elite physical skill. They have a higher level understanding of what it takes to be great and have developed the mentality of a champion, too.

Your child has to understand what it means to give their best, for example, and how to meet that high standard every day. It's your job to help teach them how to do what champions do. They have to understand what adversity looks like for an athlete and develop the resilience it takes to overcome it. They have to understand how to be a teammate, what that looks like, and why it’s important. They have to understand the risks involved in really, truly competing and the courage it takes to succeed. These are just a few of the mental skills that have nothing to do with his size, strength, or athletic ability, but have everything to do with determining the athlete and person your child becomes.

So in these areas, too, if you’re serious about raising a champion, don’t forget the "yet." It's true here, mentally, as it is physically. After watching them play, it may be obvious to you that they're a long way from getting it. So how will you approach that challenging reality?

He doesn't understand what it means to give his best.

He doesn't understand what it means to give his best yet.

He's not resilient enough to overcome adversity.

He's not resilient enough to overcome adversity yet.

He doesn't have the courage it takes.

He doesn't have the courage it takes yet.

If you haven’t forgotten the "yet," that’s good. But then, of course, the real question becomes…what are you gonna do about it? How can you teach your child what they need but don’t yet have? How can you help get them from where they are now to where they need to be? The champion parent recognizes and accepts this responsibility, and then gets to work.

Today's experiences can help your child take another step forward on the journey to greatness. Keep helping them, supporting them, and challenging them. Trust, embrace, and enjoy the process. And believe that if you do it right, you'll help them become the best they can be. They can get there, and they will - if you see to it. They just aren't there…yet.