BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID

Sometimes, fear can be a great motivator. It can give us a sense of urgency we didn’t have before. It can muster in us reserves of energy we might not have known existed. Fear can drive us today to do the important work it takes to maintain a vision we’ve created for our future. Need proof of what a little fear can do? Imagine you’re the guy kayaking. Yes, fear can be a great motivator. 

Today, sports parent, I want to scare you. Not “curl up in a ball” or “hide under the bed” kind of scare you. I’m talking about “find a sense of urgency” scare you. “Muster up some new reserves of energy” and “drive you to do the important work” scare you. If we’re really serious about raising champion athletes and people, then it’s good to be a little afraid. 

Afraid of what, you ask? When it comes to parenting a young athlete, what is there to fear? Here are three fears that should motivate each of us to action every day:

Fear #1: Be afraid that time is flying, that it will be gone in no time, and that you’re not getting it back. Take a minute to stop and consider how quickly time has passed. Of course, for all of us, the days can be long, but the years move quickly, don’t they? Really, wasn’t it just yesterday that you were holding your child in your arms or hoisting them up on your shoulders? Weren’t you just taking them out to the backyard to teach them how to throw, or shoot, or kick a ball? Like a scroll of photos, you can probably think through all the sports seasons, all the uniforms, all the teams that have come and gone in their life already. No matter their age, it’s probably not hard for you to utter the words… “he’s already __ years old” or “it’s like she was __ years old just yesterday.” And it’s not slowing down. As they get older, time only moves faster. Ask someone who’s recently sent a child off to college or is preparing to do it soon how quickly it all goes. Your kid will be done playing sports, out from under your roof, and stepping into adulthood on their own in no time. 

It’s a legitimate fear to have…that we’re taking this time for granted, that it’s going to go by too fast, and that we’ll miss these days when they’re gone. So how can that fear motivate us? By giving us a sense of urgency – a renewed commitment to taking full advantage of the opportunities we have in front of us. Don’t take today for granted. Make it count. Someday soon it’ll be over. Let’s make sure when that day comes, we know we were fully present and committed to today.

Fear #2: Be afraid that your child will fail to reach their full potential, and you’re the reason why. As a sports parent, I know…you’re doing a lot. You’re paying all that money for registration, equipment, training, and travel. You’re driving your child from here to there and back again. You’re devoting your evenings, after long days at work, to supporting them. You’re giving up entire weekends of your time to be their biggest fan. Yes, you’re doing a lot.  

But, I ask you to consider, are you doing the work that really matters? Do you see what’s really important to developing a champion, on the playing field and beyond? You see, there are certain qualities that a champion possesses…

-They love the game.                       

-They give their best.

-They overcome adversity.           

-They seek improvement.

-They get coached.                           

-They are great teammates.

-They take risks.                                

-And they do it all with a positive attitude.

These are unique skills and abilities – talents possessed by a champion in sports and in life. They are the separators. They create the margin between who your child is and who they can become. Take any one of them and consider your child, the athlete, with that ability or without it. Regardless of their physical ability level, which one is closer to reaching their full potential: your child who loves the game, or your child who doesn’t? Your child who can overcome adversity, or your child who can’t? Your child who’s developed the courage it takes to go for it, or your child who hasn't? Choose any one from the list, and the answer is the same.

These qualities also create the margin between your child and those he or she’ll be competing with and against for life. Let’s say two kids have similar athletic ability levels, but there’s only one spot left on the team. Or they play the same position, and coach has to decide who gets the starting spot. Who do you think has an advantage? The player who’s been trained to give their best, or the one who hasn’t? The one who can get coached, or the one who can’t? The one who’s a great teammate, or the one who’s not? Compare any of the qualities from that list, and the answers are the same. These abilities will become the separators for your child…if he or she has developed them.

See, these talents don’t just magically appear in some kids and not in others. They are intentionally taught. Emphasized. Developed. Cultivated. And despite all you’re doing for your child – despite the money, time, and energy spent – if you aren’t intentionally making these skills and abilities an emphasis of this whole sports experience – maybe the emphasis of the experience, regardless of how much physical ability your child may have – then you’re preparing him or her to fail. They’ll fail to reach their full potential as an athlete, and someday, competing with or against other athletes for the same goals, they’ll fail there, too. If that happens, in the biggest moments of their life, it won’t be about all they got from you that counts; it’ll be about what they didn’t get. And that’s a legitimate fear.

If you aren’t intentionally making these skills and abilities an emphasis of this whole sports experience – maybe the emphasis of the experience, regardless of how much physical ability your child may have – then you’re preparing him or her to fail.

So how can that fear motivate us? It should clarify for us what’s really important. There will be plenty of influences in your sports parent experience, telling you what you should value and what you should emphasize. Some of those influences will have your child’s best interest at heart. Some will not. Unless you’re intentional about your decisions, you’ll likely do what too many sports parents do: invest all the time, all the money, and all the energy into an experience that reaps only a fraction of the benefit it should. So whether they're the star of the team or the last one on the bench, determine for yourself what really matters, so you don’ t look back and realize you missed out.

Fear #3: Be afraid of what your child will someday come to realize a sports parent can (and should) provide.  If you’ve done it right, of course, then this isn’t something to be scared of – it’s something to look forward to. If you’re intentional about developing in your child the talents of a champion – regardless of their athletic ability – then you’ll be helping him or her reach their full potential on the playing field and you’ll be preparing them for success beyond it. It will be those qualities you’ve cultivated on purpose – their passion, their effort, their toughness, their desire to improve, their willingness to work with and uplift others, their willingness to take risks, their positive attitude – those will be the reason why they are who they are. 

If you’ve done it right, you’ll be excited for your child to realize someday all that you’ve given them. Excited for them to realize that each of those qualities have been intentionally taught and developed by a parent who saw what really mattered, and who cared enough to do the important work. Someday, when they are who they are, they'll have you to thank for it.

Of course, if you do it wrong, then you’ve got a reason to be scared. If you don’t make developing these qualities a priority in the life of your child, then they’ll miss out on at least some of what’s out there for them. Sure, their physical ability may take them a long way. But they’ll never fly as high as they're capable. They won’t be equipped to get there.

Most frighteningly for you, someday they’ll come to some disheartening conclusions about who they are, and why. They’ll likely realize that the qualities of a champion, in sports and in life, can in fact be taught and developed, and that a parent is the one who should do that teaching and developing. Your child will probably realize that their parent gave them a lot of stuff, but they didn’t give them what they really needed. If you do it wrong, then someday, unfortunately, when they are who they are, they’ll have you to thank for it. And that thought, for any of us, should be a little frightening.